I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
