mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
