I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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