How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
