my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
