It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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