Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
