So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
