he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
