I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
