Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Green mimosas i think yes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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