pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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