You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
