Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just gift wrapped bread.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
