She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
