The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
