matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
