Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I got her a Nickelback box set.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize