someone get that fucking seahorse.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
