guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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