i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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