did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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