Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
