They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont even know how to be here
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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