why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have already put on my inside pants.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
