nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
