i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
