Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
