just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
