He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
