Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize