Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You ruined the universe
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
