Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
