Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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