she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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