Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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