Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize