I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My vagina just clenched in fear
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
