i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
