my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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