Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
