I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize