i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
