she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
