If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
