His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
