This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
