bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize