i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
