I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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