Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
