Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize