my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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