A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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