soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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