my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
