For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize