3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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