I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
