Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
