why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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