Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
4 words: hood of his car
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
