It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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