I met the friendliest cop last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
