I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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