Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
