I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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