Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
love makes seman taste better
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
