Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
