this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
