Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
