his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
