I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
