you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
