what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
