I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
