Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
