FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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