Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
