also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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