It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
