Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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