you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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