In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
