Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
