i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
