i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
