The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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