so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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