You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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