Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
