Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
