Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
