This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
