I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize