is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
