??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
