I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
