New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
