ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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