I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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