DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
