Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
