I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
