I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
