God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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