After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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