"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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