He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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