on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
