did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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