sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
