I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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