Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
