what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
