Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
